In Pieces
by Shadow Vanilla
Summary: They were both just scattered little pieces of what they once had been, ones that couldn't be put back together, Axel realized, as he slammed the boy up against the dark alley wall. Akuroku.
1. Never Alone

**A/N:** This'll be several chapters long at least, and focus on a lot of different aspects and scenes that could have happened before and after that fateful day when Roxas left the Organization. Yay for writing lost-his-marbles-Axel! Anyway, I hope you all enjoy!

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Sometimes he'll forget he's gone. Sometimes he'll go up to his room and think he'll be sitting there, waiting for him. It's a shock that he's never there, even though his head is telling him he's been gone for weeks and that he's going crazy. It's phantom limb syndrome to the extreme – because he _knows_ he's there and he can feel his smaller body mashed against his own – and then he'll opens his eyes and then, nobody, nothing. _Nothing _– not a letter or a kiss goodbye or even a lock of hair for remembrance or twisted nostalgia. He's got to be there, he _has_ to be, because everyday they have to go on missions, kill heartless, take orders, and without him there would be no point in ever_ gaining_ a heart.

There'd be no one to fucking _give_ his heart to with Roxas gone, and that scares him more than anything else.

The dreams he has are so, so, vivid that every night a part of him (the part that shouldn't exist because in the end he is just a nobody and shouldn't feel, can't feel) dies and it's like losing that " _phantom limb" –_his most precious person – over and over and over again.

Axel would choose dying and fading and never existing a million times over Roxas being nothing more than memories and phantom touches.

Because it just hurts too damn much to not have the blond spikes pressed against his chest and to not hear the gentle sighs of constant breathing.

Maybe somewhere, in his fake town in his oh-so-fake bed, Roxas feels something missing, too. But it'll be different – because this boy isn't like _his_ Roxas. This Roxas will not remember him at all; at most he'll remember a few recollections of hazy kisses and fighting with a giant key. He will have his missing piece, but will be without the memories and power and knowledge of what once was to fix it.

Sometimes Axel will lounge on the old clock tower and look beside him and expect to see his Roxas – ice cream in hand, clad in a black coat, and looking out at the sunset. Instead, this Roxas looks like an ant down in the streets, walking around with those other kids that _his_ black-coated Roxas didn't like because the blond boy was a stubborn ass, the girls' eyes scared him - reminded him too much of Axel's own, and the pudgy boy ate too many ice creams to only have one stomach.

Seeing that Roxas so oh-so-different and not_ his _anymore makes his brain spin, his stomach lurch and the non-existent place in his chest ache worse than it already was. He closes his eyes, jerks his head away from this new boy and makes a decision.

This new boy jumps in fear when Axel appears in front of him, purple and black darkness peeling away from his body and vanishing into nothing. This new boy gasps when Axel shoves him roughly against the shaded alley wall, his breath hot like raging fire, burning his neck and giving him goose-bumps. Roxas' eyes widen with uncertainty and hesitation and he chokes on question bubbling in his throat.

"Axel. Got it memorized?" the redheaded stranger smirks, letting his hand trace up the curves of his inner thigh, and he's so close that Roxas can nearly taste him. For some reason, Axel thinks, the breathing of this Roxas smells so sweet just like _his, _and the thought is so dizzying it makes him slam his lips against the shivering boy, attacking his mouth and filling it with pain and twisted nostalgia and everything else he's been going through in the past few weeks. His tongue twisted and fought into Roxas' mouth, kissing him so hard it felt like he was trying to _kill him_ rather than kiss him.

Roxas struggled, trying to fight off this strange older man and his overly-straight forward advances, but his body soon goes limp and numb and he's like putty in Axel's fiery hands. He leaves kisses down his neck, biting and trailing down the pale skin and his teeth and hands attack Roxas' shirt, tearing it open so the rest of his body can have more access. His hands roam freely and not-Roxas-but-Roxas fails horribly at stifling a moan. Axel's attention returns to the boy's mouth, silencing him with a long, violent kiss while his nimble fingers play with the skin of Roxas' soft stomach.

"Please…._stop_.." the boy mumbles his half-plea as Axel breaks the kiss for air. He moves in again and again, coating Roxas' mouth with short kisses and mutters in between them " No." before slamming his body higher up on the wall and spreading his legs. His mouth slams on Roxas' again, and his hands make short work of the button and zipper on his two-toned pants.

"_Stop_.._stop.." _Roxas shakes his head but doesn't fight him, it's like part of him wants to get the hell out of here and part of him wants this so, so bad. He shouldn't have thoughts like this – towards the black-coated man who slammed him against the wall and is having his way with him – he shouldn't feel like _this_. Shouldn't feel like this is what he's always wanted, because he's never seen this man in his life and he's so _sure_ he hasn't. He never knew he was missing something in his life – because he has his friends and his town and it's so _perfect_. He feels cold and broken, but at the same some so much more _alive_. Axel's hands dipped below the waistline of his pants, and Roxas moaned and screamed and begged for it to stop and for more at the same time. The taller man's lips curved into a smirk and then he..

"Roxas!" A sudden shout came from the end of the alleyway, and Axel's eyes took their attention off the boy for the first time in many long minutes. He laughed, a chuckle that was both sinister and broken. Olette and Hayner came speeding down the alley – shoes squeaking over cobblestones wet from the water running from under a nearby dumpster. Roxas saw them and tried to break free, but one of Axel's arms held him pinned to the wall.

"Get away from h-!"

Axel's smirked widened even more, body shrouded in darkness as he faded away. "Roxas!" Olette helped the boy to his feet, but to no avail. He was shaking so bad his teeth were clanking together.

When Axel finally stumbles back into the World That Never Was, it hurts so, so bad and it feels unnatural, but he doesn't check inside Roxas' room to see if he's there and marches straight into his own and dumps his lanky form on the mattress.

Because _his_ Roxas is gone, and he's _never fucking coming back_.

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Reviews are love.


	2. Slipped Away

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Sometimes he feels like the universe is crashing down right onto skull and he can't do anything about it. All he can do is just stand there and bite his lip till it's bruised and bleeding and try not to crumple to the floor.

He figures everyone has those moments – where you try and say something or do something that'll change your life forever but then you freeze; like you're suspended in midair, held up by invisible puppets strings, or stuck in concrete with a gag over your mouth. Axel can see the blond mess of hair and the black coat fading off into the distance and it's like his feet have been superglued to the ground and all of a sudden he wishes his power involved stretching his arms to obvious lengths - instead of burning everything in his path - so he can grab him and bring him back right then and there and slap some sense into him and tell him that he _has_ to stay. He _needs_ Roxas to stay.

Or else the whole entire universe is going to come crashing down as soon as he completely fades out of view and is gone _forever_.

He hate himself for staying and murmuring those words_ - That's not true, I would.. _– instead of going out and living those words with everything he has left. He wanted to grab him, and hold him close and never, ever let him go.

He just wants to hold his breath and bite into his tongue and make all of the pain go away.

Pain is an even crueler mistress than fate sometimes, really. Because the second you think you've found some solace the world crashes down five times harder than before.

Realization of this had started when Roxas would just stand there –there, outside in the rain and in the mercy of the entire World That Never Was. It didn't matter if it was raining in buckets and floods were sweeping though the dark streets – _his_ Roxas would stand there, water running off his hood onto the rest of his coat. He could have stood there until he was blue and freezing – and even then he probably wouldn't have moved. Bright eyes were filled with dark shadows and an eerie lifelessness that could have never belonged to Roxas – even though sometimes they would be flashing with anger, Axel had always loved Roxas' eyes for what they were – blue like the ocean, blue like the calm before a storm. They were not the eyes of someone standing in the middle of a rain storm in this hellhole of a world. They were not the eyes of this shell of a boy, unresponsive to every coaxing word or whisper or touch.

Axel must have stood there with him for a long while, because he was shivering in his boots despite his power over fire. He had picked the boy up in his arms, because he was not going to move on his own. He'd summoned a portal which had gone straight to Roxas' room and put the boy on his bed and gone about that task of peeling off wet clothing suctioned-cupped to the boy's skin. Roxas' hadn't moved, hadn't done anything, hadn't even _blinked_ as Axel had changed his clothes and pulled his blankets up over his nose. It wasn't until Axel had kissed him softly on the nose and was making his way out of the room as Roxas spoke the fateful two syllables.

"_Soo-rra."_

.Axel realized then that _his_ Roxas was no longer his alone.

"You'll be better in the morning, so go to sleep, Rox."


End file.
